Today I am Bleeding Profusely
November 8, 2009
As I lifted myself up from the concrete floor,
on pale, trembling arms
I looked down and beheld
my face silhouetted in blood.
Unable to stand yet,
I sat on the floor
and touched my hand to my nose
the void where it used to be.
A new hole in my head
from which sprang warm air
and a warm liquid
that ran ceaselessly down my upper lip.
You let go of his face
and crept to my side
“Are you OK?”
in the voice of a shy child.
I paused.
I thought.
I stood up and watched my nice white shirt
quickly turn red.
“Yes. I’ll be fine.”
“Look at yourself, you’re bleeding all over the place”
My brain became very warm
I was breathing through the hole in my head
and slow, steady breath
bubbled up from the blood
where my nose used to be.
A bit of bone shifted beneath your foot.
“Oh god, please go to the hospital or something, please, oh god”
You held my face, but not to kiss it.
To watch my lips drip
and the color in my eyes fade.
I was bleeding all over your nice white dress.
“Please don’t worry. I hate it when you worry.”
All over your nice white dress.
“I’ll be fine, I swear.”
So I walked to seventh period
and collapsed by the door.
The bus had already taken you
so very far away from me.
There is a new crowd now
of masquerade faces
panting and yelling
rolling me away
Beneath a bright light,
They yell and they shout
and they sweat as they run
I can’t see what they’re so worried about
I’ll be fine, I swear.
Self-Inflicted
October 25, 2009
It’s another one of those nights.
I can’t sleep because I’m thinking of you. About telling you the truth. I’m thinking about last year’s Valentine’s Day.
About the cement below me and the rain above me and how i was crying and asking nobody “why why why” and the on-looking strangers saying “he’s lost his mind”. I did lose my mind. Because I was convinced I had lost your heart.
And lately I’ve been trying to stop prolonging the pain by doing exactly that.
I think it worked.
I saw a photo of you today. A photo of your wonderful smiling face.
It no longer warms my heart.
Voice
October 1, 2009
I realized today
I love the sound of your voice
I realized today
I will never hear it again
Wish
September 17, 2009
I no longer wish to love you
Escape
September 9, 2009
Into the light of truth
Into honest
and sincere
delight
*
Into honest
and sincere
and New
life
4:11 AM
August 23, 2009
And the real world
has officially
gone
to bed