that brought my life hope

and a new way to see

and a new way to cope

*

With wide-opened wings

for my greedy heart

Alight like a star

while I fell apart

*

I am fading away

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Posted in Beloved, Poems, V&V, Words ]]> http://experimentaljetset.wordpress.com/2009/12/14/i-am-fading-away/feed/ 0 Elliott Bell http://experimentaljetset.wordpress.com/2009/12/14/i-see-you-no-more/ http://experimentaljetset.wordpress.com/2009/12/14/i-see-you-no-more/#comments Tue, 15 Dec 2009 03:12:59 +0000 Elliott Bell http://experimentaljetset.wordpress.com/?p=492 ]]> You dropped a kiss

like fall’s crimson leaf

cold and sore

to land upon my cheek

*

Before the dark hall

where scion love silhouettes

with my heart in the sky

I burst into pirouette

*

I see you no more

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asleep without dreams

a doom-born maiden

came to undertake me

*

A ruptured recollection

but love like a rapture

I never said a word

left only numb thereafter

*
Left alone on the sidewalk

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The moon and the stars

Will be jealous

Because they are so far apart

From each other

And so far away

From you

it’s no use to deny.

It’s what I do,

I can’t say why

when or how

I lost my mind.

Do me a favor,

would you be so kind?

Forget the lifetime

I was blind

and made my limbs

a perfect sine

to try and distract

so you wouldn’t find

the shallow sea

where I tried to dive,

but not to play

and not to hide

but to drown out

the noise inside.

on pale, trembling arms

I looked down and beheld

my face silhouetted in blood.

Unable to stand yet,

I sat on the floor

and touched my hand to my nose

the void where it used to be.

A new hole in my head

from which sprang warm air

and a warm liquid

that ran ceaselessly down my upper lip.

You let go of his face

and crept to my side

“Are you OK?”

in the voice of a shy child.

I paused.

I thought.

I stood up and watched my nice white shirt

quickly turn red.

“Yes. I’ll be fine.”

“Look at yourself, you’re bleeding all over the place”

My brain became very warm

I was breathing through the hole in my head

and slow, steady breath

bubbled up from the blood

where my nose used to be.

A bit of bone shifted beneath your foot.

“Oh god, please go to the hospital or something, please, oh god”

You held my face, but not to kiss it.

To watch my lips drip

and the color in my eyes fade.

I was bleeding all over your nice white dress.

“Please don’t worry. I hate it when you worry.”

All over your nice white dress.

“I’ll be fine, I swear.”

So I walked to seventh period

and collapsed by the door.

The bus had already taken you

so very far away from me.

There is a new crowd now

of masquerade faces

panting and yelling

rolling me away

Beneath a bright light,

They yell and they shout

and they sweat as they run

I can’t see what they’re so worried about

I’ll be fine, I swear.

at home for a week

When I write to you

when I cannot speak

You could dance with him

though you know you shouldn’t

And though you know

I wish you wouldn’t

You could leave me with

but one aloof wave

While delivering unto others

a delighted embrace

You could miss my gifts

with swift dismissal

And respond to my spark

with a listless fizzle

But

If I knew you still cared

I’d be alright.

*

If I knew you cared

I would sleep

at night.

I can’t sleep because I’m thinking of you. About telling you the truth. I’m thinking about last year’s Valentine’s Day.

About the cement below me and the rain above me and how i was crying and asking nobody “why why why” and the on-looking strangers saying “he’s lost his mind”. I did lose my mind. Because I was convinced I had lost your heart.

And lately I’ve been trying to stop prolonging the pain by doing exactly that.

I think it worked.

I saw a photo of you today. A photo of your wonderful smiling face.

It no longer warms my heart.

but you will tear me to shreds

no matter what i say

I love the sound of your voice

I realized today

I will never hear it again